i’m still here…somewhere.

i’m trying to find my words, or perhaps to liberate them, but it’s not an easy thing. silence has been my stony refuge these last two years, and i’m not sure how to chisel through these walls that i’ve constructed out of desperation and self-protection. but i will try…i must try.

a lot has happened, since i stopped posting on this blog. there have been new jobs.  there have been too many trips to other countries….for embryo transfers and tests and surgical procedures. there have been more than a few negative pregnancy tests followed by excruciating (but required) blood draws to confirm what was already painfully clear. Continue reading


a quick update

for everyone who is wondering about Sadie and her little Girl Wonder, i had an update today.  Girl Wonder is doing better and at home with her parents.  i don’t want to tell Sadie’s story (since she does such a brilliant job of it herself), but i did want to reassure everyone who may be out there worrying and wondering.  so many people have been generous and donated to help them, and i just wanted to thank you all again.   Continue reading


a fellow babyloss mama and friend,  the incredibly lovely Sadie from Invincible Spring, is dealing with the unimaginable right now.  her rainbow baby is in the hospital and very ill. some of you reading here know her story and know about her harrowing pregnancy, her daughter’s preterm birth and all of the medical complications that have come in wave after unrelenting wave.   we’ve watched from too far afar as Sadie and her husband have had to go through these battles alone.  Sadie’s little Girl Wonder has been a fighter from the start, and i know that there are people scattered all over the globe cheering for her and desperately hoping and praying that she will pull through and finally go home for good with her adoring but very scared parents.

Continue reading

unpresent for an unbirthday

the 5th of June was supposed to be a special day… not as special as the 5th of December, but a day to celebrate, nevertheless. the idea came from my aunt, a lover of literature like me.  she called it an “unbirthday”, a word she stole from Lewis Carroll, and every year on her children’s unbirthdays, they got to choose something special to do. there were no cakes with candles or party hats or presents, but there were always smiles and laughter and (i imagine) the warm feeling of being a treasured member of a family. Continue reading