the 5th of June was supposed to be a special day… not as special as the 5th of December, but a day to celebrate, nevertheless. the idea came from my aunt, a lover of literature like me. she called it an “unbirthday”, a word she stole from Lewis Carroll, and every year on her children’s unbirthdays, they got to choose something special to do. there were no cakes with candles or party hats or presents, but there were always smiles and laughter and (i imagine) the warm feeling of being a treasured member of a family. Continue reading
i apologize for taking so long to post again. several of you have written asking how it went and how we are, and you have no idea how much it means to me to know that you care and are following along on our journey and cheering for us. (and sorry to keep you waiting!) there’s so much to write about our trip to Barcelona, and i promise that i will do that (hopefully tomorrow), but for the time being, a quick update will have to do.
basically, it’s nothing but good news: we transfered two gorgeous embryos on Monday.
one was considered perfect a 10 out of 10 on the clinic’s embryo rating scale, and the other was a very respectable 8. both were 8 cells and embryo number two had less than 10% fragmentation.
here’s a picture of one of our (very) little ones:
my official test date is not for another eight days. there are also 30+ hpts (aka Sirens of pee) sitting in a drawer in our bathroom. we’ll see how long i can withstand their golden song.
today i got a letter from my 23-year-old self. it was in the form of a card that i sent to my mother as i was getting ready to return to a far away Asian country. i had no idea of where i was going to live when i got there and no idea of how i would make a living, and my mother had apparently expressed some kind of concern to me. this has happened so many times now (the foreign country, the lack of concrete plans, the parents who think i’m crazy) that i no longer remember the exact conversation we had. in any case, i knew i had to go back (there was, after all, a girl to be wooed), and although i couldn’t explain to my mom why i had to go, i wanted her to understand that i would be okay.
i don’t remember writing the card, nor do i know how it became scarred with coffee-colored splashes, but i do recognize the handwriting and the sentiment behind the quotes as my own. i’m not sure why she chose today to scan the card and send it to me, but i’m glad she did, because i need to be reminded of what i wrote then….i need to try to remember who i was when i wrote it, and i need to figure out if under all of this grief and disappointment and anger there is still a little bit of that same girl who said, “fuck fear,” and flew across continents and oceans to follow her heart:
that 23-year-old girl seems a lot wiser than her 40-something-year-old incarnation. i do so hope she and Hazrat Inayat Khan are right….
we left in the dark, our plane ascending until the city became nothing more than a collection of tiny amber lights. everyone around me, including Froggy, dozed as we slid across the sky, but even though i’d slept fewer than four hours the night before, i was too excited to close my eyes. Continue reading
and so we come full circle…back to a place that i dreamt of before i ever visited, a city whose name alone inspires waves of warmth and nostalgia…Barcelona.
five years ago i called it home, that magical realm of Gaudi and Miro, that candyland of art and architecture, music, food, football and people…the wonderful Catalan people. five years ago, i wandered it’s streets and breathed in its inspiration. Continue reading
i’ve been thinking a lot about friends lately, mostly because i’ve lost so many since little sun died. i’ve experienced an immeasurable amount of disappointment and hurt because of people whom i once considered my chosen family, and maybe one day i’ll write about that. today, though, i want to tell you about two people who have truly been there for me…two people who epitomize that beautiful word “friend”. Continue reading