about me

i live in a city know for its lights and croissants.   i’m an immigrant lost in a language that i began learning seven years ago and that i still don’t really master. i am married to a wonderful French gal who is little sun’s other mother and my rock.   before i lost my little boy, i would have called myself a traveler, a teacher, a lover of words and an artist.  i would have told you about the eight countries i’ve lived in, explaining with passion in my voice that Spain is where i feel at ease, most myself.  i would have said that i am happiest with a paint brush or pen in my hand and a group of my dear, sweet friends around me.  now, i will tell you that i don’t really know who i am anymore.  

once i was a mother….now i’m just lost.

mama and little sun


9 thoughts on “about me

  1. Johanna Courtney

    My heart is breaking reading your blog. I’m just getting over my first failed IVF cycle and I thought I would never start to feel better – my heart felt like it was breaking and I still feel so heavy, but I can’t even begin to imagine you and your Froggy’s pain – this is not fair. May you both grow stronger and heal together and I hope the French law goes your way, what you have gone through is so tough – I am so, so, sorry for your loss. Much love xxx

  2. emskirara

    I found your blog through Small Bird Studio. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful sun. I too am an anglo living in Europe-in Basel Switzerland. We lost our daughter Cordelia almost 11 months ago. I hope you are getting all the love and support you need being so far from ‘home’. WIshing gentle days ahead for you and Froggy.

  3. mightyplans

    i have two and have lost four…. this last one was twin boys… and i am crushed…. even with the two i have, it still changes you…. i understand what you mean by not knowing who you are anymore… hugs from nyc…

  4. carlymau

    Hi there – your blog is so moving, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I first read your blog when you posted a picture from Brighton on Toemail and I’ve not stopped visiting it ever since. I have always found that watching the waves has the power to soothe raw and jangled senses. I’ve nominated you for an award, http://carlymau.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/ive-been-nominated/ – I realise your blog isn’t about awards and popularity, but I just wanted to thank you for your frankness and bravery in sharing your thoughts xxc

  5. lucadorosmom

    hi. i found your blog off of glow in the woods. your little sun- so very beautiful, so very perfect and sweet. i’m sorry for you and your partner’s loss. my wife and i lost our first born child, our son Luca, just after birth in march. it’s been just 5 months and i too find myself so very lost. there aren’t very many networks of support for same sex couples who have lost a child, and i wanted to connect with you, but also to see if you knew of any others of us out there? your writing is beautiful, something i feel in the depths of my throat and chest. thank you so very much for sharing.


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