a quick update

for everyone who is wondering about Sadie and her little Girl Wonder, i had an update today.  Girl Wonder is doing better and at home with her parents.  i don’t want to tell Sadie’s story (since she does such a brilliant job of it herself), but i did want to reassure everyone who may be out there worrying and wondering.  so many people have been generous and donated to help them, and i just wanted to thank you all again.  i’m going to leave the donation button up until we work out how to transfer the money.  there is a possibility that i will get to see Sadie and Girl Wonder in person, as well.  so much love to all of you <3<3<3

i apologize for the long silence. it’s been a particularly hard few months in so many ways.  we had our second failed transfer and the possibility of (living) childlessness is suddenly huge and overwhelming.  i also started a new job…for the first time in a very long time, i’m doing 9ish to 5ish in an office environment instead of teaching.  there is a new work culture to adapt to and a sea of new people to navigate.  i overheard one of my supervisors talking about her 18 month old son in the break room .  she was telling a colleague about how she speaks English with him and her husband speaks French, one parent one language….it was what we were planning on doing with little sun.  i was happy that we weren’t sitting together, because i was able to escape notice when the conversation got to be too hard for me to hear and i hurried off to the bathroom to cry, blow my nose and wash my face before returning unremarked.  my only male colleague is the only one who knows, and he pretty much pretended he didn’t hear what i said when it came up in a conversation.  i’m sure my “secret” is still safe, and i can go for a while longer without being the object of awkwardness and pity.  it’s too early to tell how i will feel about the work itself.  it has the potential to be stimulating, and it doesn’t involve being “on” the way teaching does, so maybe it will be a good change.  i’m too afraid to hope for too much at this point…  and i’ve been missing little sun so so much.  sometimes i wish he’d taken me with him….


7 thoughts on “a quick update

  1. Deborah

    I am so sorry to hear about the failed transfer. :(

    The previous commenter is right; it is hard to read those words and yet, how could you feel otherwise? Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children.

    Sending you positive thoughts.

  2. redbluebird

    Thanks for the update on Sadie and Girl Wonder. I’m so glad baby is home where she belongs.
    I’m sorry things have been so hard for you lately. It’s heartbreaking. I would feel exactly the way you do, yet I hope the days ahead will be much brighter and hopeful for you.

  3. Kelly

    So sorry about the failed transfer. We had so much heartbreak going through IVF. It’s so hard and emotional.

    I started a new job about a year after we lost our daughter. Only one person knows for me too. It’s been so tough, since there have been seven new babies in just over the year I’ve been working there. So when do you bring up your own loss, when faced with so many other peoples happiness. Ugh.

    Sending you good thoughts. XO

  4. yael

    je ne parle pas anglais mai je lis ta compagne et je voulai aussi t exprimer tout mon soutiens.
    Je pense à vous t a votre petit soleil et j espère que l avenir va enfin montrer ses plus belles couleurs …


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