little lights

on Monday i finally went back to Notre Dame to light candles for lost babies.

i like to wander my way to places in Paris which means that i rarely go the same way twice.  the weather was a bit capricious, going from cloudy to clear, from pleasantly warm to far-too-cool for what i was wearing and back again.

as usual, there were many things to see and capture with my camera:

and Notre Dame herself was as striking as ever:

inside, i returned to the statue of Mary holding an infant Jesus, and one by one, i lit candles for eight babies.  i spoke their names aloud and told them how loved and missed they are.

for AlwaysMy3Boys little boy

for AlwaysMy3Boys little boy

for Burning Eye's little boy

for Burning Eye’s little boy

for baby Marlo

for baby Marlo

for TooMuchAwesomeness' little girl

for TooMuchAwesomeness‘ little girl

for Mardi's little boy

for Mardi’s little boy

i also lit a candle for Sadie’s little boy.

and, finally, i lit one for my own little sun:

for my little boy

for my little boy

and the whole while, tears streamed down my face, and i gulped back sobs so that i wouldn’t frighten all the tourists who were passing by.  i’m sure i made a strange sight with my bag full of tea candles and small stack of name cards… a babylost mother lighting far too many candles and whispering the names of far too many lost babies.

afterwards, i went to see my friend Nish at my favorite Indian restaurant, and he greeted me with the sunniest of smiles.  Froggy and i are trying to watch our euros these days, so i went without the usual yumminess, but Nish and i sat and talked for a while and made plans to visit les Frigos together later this month.

and then i wandered my way home, snapping pictures as i went:

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15 thoughts on “little lights

  1. Lisa

    Your photos are beautiful.

    I would love if you would light a candle for my Finley the next time you go.

    I’ve been following your blog since the beginning but I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment here before. I always find your words beautiful.

    Lisa x

    Reply
    1. le petit soleil Post author

      i will absolutely do that for Finley! i’ll send you an email with a picture once it’s done (it may take a few weeks, though.) thanks for reading :)

      Reply
      1. Lisa

        Thank you so much. I went to mass once at Notre Dame, and the cathedral is so beautiful. That was long before Finley was in my life, and it would be lovely to see his name there x

  2. Suzanne

    So, so beautiful! I was inspired by your candle lighting last time around, and I posted on my blog a call for names to light a candle in the grotto. I’ll go on Saturday to light the candles, and I’d love to light one for your little sun. Is that alright with you? <3

    Reply
    1. le petit soleil Post author

      i love that you are doing this for other babylost parents. and, yes, absolutely, i’d be honored if you lit one for little sun. (and thank you for the sweet things you said in the post on your blog <3)

      Reply
  3. Deborah

    So fun to see all those pictures of Paris! I was there for a week when I was 20 – your pictures bring it all back.

    And this was a wonderful thing for you to do, though how sad that there are so many babies to light candles for.

    Reply
    1. le petit soleil Post author

      thank you, Deborah. Paris is a very photogenic city for sure. and, yes, it’s just heartbreakingly sad that there are so many heartbroken parents out there…so many loved and lost babies. warmth to you.

      Reply
  4. Kelly

    This is so amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it when she’s remembered, when others speak her name. It means the world to me. And there’s something so beautiful about having a candle lit for Margaret along with the candles lit for the other babies. It makes me feel that she’s surrounded by love, and sweet little friends.

    Reply
  5. HunterJohn

    Just saying Hi and sending support and love. I hope your doing well, I am so sorry it has been 5 months. I was thinking of you and your little sun the other day when I was at the beach.

    Reply
  6. Li

    I cherish this photo of Marlo’s candle, and I love this idea of excursions through Paris to honor our lost babies in the hush and candlelight of Notre Dame. It means a lot that you have done this, Le Petit. Thank you. I have just completed a square for your little sun for the knitting tree project… will send photos soon.

    Reply

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