he’s been gone for four months now, my little son.

he’s gone, and with him, a piece of me.

what’s left is a wound, a hole, a chasm

something gaping

something that cannot be filled.

the question now is

will i fall into it (or maybe dive headfirst)

or will i find a way to survive at its edge?


7 thoughts on “cleft

  1. Burning Eye

    Yes. Both questions have the answer yes. Sometimes I dive in headfirst. Always I live at the edge. The painting is wonderful. Holding you and Froggy and your petit soleil in the Light.
    Burning Eye

    1. le petit soleil Post author

      the edge…yes, i think it’s where i must build my home, and perhaps use the view to inspire me to create. the painting is from many years ago, but it felt right for this moment. being held in the light….what a beautiful thing. thank you

  2. Johanna Courtney

    You and Froggy will be ok; you’ll never forget and the pain may ease but it’ll never leave you but when the sun shines – your sun is with you. I am so glad you managed to find some solace in Brighton – it was just what you needed. Although we have never met, I stumbled across your blog via – and I always checking your blog for an update – you and Froggy are always in my thoughts and your blog has inspired me to stay strong. Much love and hugs to you both – you are incredible women xxx

    1. le petit soleil Post author

      ah, Johanna, you are too kind. i’m far from incredible…i just appear to have an unusually tenacious will to live. Brighton *was* just what i needed, and part of me was so very sad to leave England, a place that i love dearly. i’ve read your blog several times, as well, and i have such high hopes for IVF to work out for you. thank you so much for reading and commenting. love to you and you DH as well, and everything crossed for the next round.


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